Where does time go?!

I haven't written in a while.. Not because of lack of inspiration but because I've been inspired so much I don't even know where to begin.. Continue .. Or stop..

During the past month I became a year older and therefore a year wiser.. I had the privilege of visiting the west coast and the northeast coast in the span of 10 days and less than 24 hours in between both .. All while growing as a woman during the first phase of my trip and taking my single mother experience to a new level during the latter...

I made some wishes come true.. But once those wishes came true, they actually just made me want more wishes .. I followed the desires of my heart .. I cleared some doubts.. I unveiled new ones.. I questioned my old friend and foe, time, yet again and why it insists on making me wait..

I discovered that although I'm easy going and sweet and caring.. If you mess with my offspring you've gotta be out of your mind, for you have no idea the wrath this momma bear will unleash on you, to defend her cubs (thank you ignorant racist lady in Washington D.C. for helping me discover this side of me).. And I discovered that being a single mom on vacation with your kids isn't so bad when you have a best friend who will carry your 5 year old on her shoulders (something I've never even done myself) to keep him entertained.

I'm still trying to process all these new experiences and figuring out what the heck I want to do with my life.. And how all these things will fall into place.. But then again if I knew all the answers, that would suck out all the fun out of this thing, this so called life..

In the meantime all I know is that this woman right here.. Has a promising rendezvous with destiny.. Maktub (it is written) ..

The Scars of the Mended Heart

The scars of a mended heart.. Remind us that although it's whole once more.. It will never be the same again..

Oh that splendid feeling of being in love and knowing that it was reciprocated.. There is just nothing quite like it..

"How sweet it is to be loved by you" becomes your favorite humming tune.. Every tree swaying and every star glistening spell out their name..

You stare at each other and profess love until the end with each batting of your eyes.. You hold each other close and breathe in the aroma created by the proximity of your bodies.. and even the energy released by your souls can light up an entire town..

Giving into the mesmerizing effects of this love, you expose your heart and let it fly freely like a hot air balloon.. If you are fortunate when you put your feet back on the ground, your lover will still be right beside you to take you on the next journey..

But if the hot air balloon suddenly malfunctions, there is nothing you can do to prevent the inevitable crash landing..

That is why when that surreal love suddenly breaks your heart, all that magic and bliss turns to sorrow and hurt. It's like an unexpected sucker punch that leaves you breathless and numb..

And as you start picking up the pieces of your broken heart, you wonder if it will ever be whole again.

The answer is, yes it will..

Time truly heals all wounds, but time also leaves a scar.. A scar so big, it changes the appearance of your once pristine heart forever.

Why couldn't such a beautiful heart remain intact..

Unfortunately after developing those scars in your heart, any individual that you let near it, has to zig zag their way around the closed wounds left by someone else.

And even though it is still one of a kind, the healed scar tissue hardened several areas and changed the aspect of what once was.. And sadly no one will ever get to see its original form ever again.

The scars of a mended heart.. Remind us we loved so intensely, it changed us forever.

Would you be able to love as intensely once more, perhaps... After all what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..

Bring it Universe!

Like we never loved at all..

Subconsciously I've been looking for a sculptor to heal my heart.. When all the while I'm the only one and God that can do such a thing..

My idea of love has been a fairy tale.. True love happens, once maybe twice, maybe more in your lifetime, but it is not without obstacles..

You will disappoint each other.. One more so than the other .. It will be tried, to the point that the love you once swore to never let go of and that you would always have for them.. becomes dormant, numb, and then you lie to yourself and say it's gone forever..

It's much easier when you cut out all communication with that person, because it's helped you stay "strong." When in fact all you are doing is running away from the feelings you still have for that person. But due to this or that reason that drifted the two of you apart, your pride, pain, prejudice keep getting in the way..

You stay away because you know that in their presence you become completely vulnerable to them, like if they were kryptonite and by merely getting close to you they can take away your power.

You shouldn't give up your power to anyone, but you shouldn't waste your short life wondering what if either..

Maybe the time isn't right for your love to flourish to its full potential, maybe it's just a brief interlude to what could turn out to be the greatest love of your life..

Either way.. Running away from those feelings will never make you stronger.. Accept them, it's ok .. Maybe they've moved on.. Maybe they are able to be okay without you for now ...

But you do not know what tomorrow brings..

I'm not saying contact them and stalk them, but if they reach out to you, if you are able to speak to them and not fall apart, that's how you know you've truly become stronger .. Or that you have moved on yourself .. Or that you haven't..

Happy New Year 2013

Here's to all the lessons learned, to all the friendships made, to all the friendships lost, to all the new illusions, to all the past ghosts, to all the laughs, to all the tears, to all the triumphs, to all the fears.

Think of how far you've come in just 365 days, you've survived more than one apocalypse and that's reason enough to celebrate.

Here's to the new phase of this journey.. I'm ready to bring in the New Year... May 2013 be a prosperous one in every area of your life..

Happy New Year 2013.. Maybe the lucky number '13 will be your best one yet!

Thankful Thursdays : Pre-end of the world edition

The Mayan calendar pin points Dec 21st, 2012 as the day that their "calendar round" ends, which has been interpreted as the end of the world. However, what it really means is an end of the current solar cycle and on Dec. 22, 2012, a new sun will be shining down on us.

There is no need to freak out people. I prefer to analyze it in this way; when the sun set on my heart earlier this year, my world ended. But shortly after a new sun came out and brightened up my world in a more radiant way, than the old sun had reflected on my skin. I didn't forget about the old sun, because it brought me great memories. But now I could actually look back and see the old sun behind me and smile at it ... Sincerely...

You see, the sun always comes out after the storm, so just believe that the sun will come out tomorrow; bet your bottom dollar, there'll be sun..

But just in case the day after tomorrow never comes (since tomorrow is not promised to anyone), remind those you love, that you do .. Today

Dedicated to all those people tugging at my heart.. Love you all .. Here's to life, friends, family and love!!!

A Once in a Lifetime Event 12/12/12

To my once in a lifetime friend... On your 30th birthday .. 12/12/12...

We met when we were little girls.. Back in the days when you loved your hot pink pants...

We became teenagers, and our passion for writing began as we became the editors of our middle school news paper.. Remember, back in the days when we would call each other in the morning to make sure we wore the same outfits to school.. Or at least the same body suit and jumper...

It was then our love for boys began also, and in our slam books we shared daily all of the be important stuff going on in our lives like who were crushing on that week...

In high school, I will never forget our springs breaks, because thanks to your mom, our parents trusted her enough to leave us to do as we pleased for an entire week... I definitely had the time of my life thanks to you...

Then, as fate would have it, we both entered different stages of our lives. But you're the type of friend that would go out of your way to kept all of us together, and even if we only saw each other once a year, you'd make me feel like time had never passed...

During the past four years.. We found ourselves in a new journey.. Still a little different but you have been by my side in every milestone achieved and every downfall, in every heart ache and every new love, in every failure, in every triumph, and in the most thrilling adventures to date... (Gives you the look)

Every time I begin to see the world in a different way, you are usually the reason behind it... Thank you my once in a lifetime friend... I love you...

Happy 30th Birthday Joanna!!!

Thankful Thursdays: Pre-Thanksgiving Edition : Everything Happens For AReason

I used to hate it when people would tell me "Everything happens for reason." I wanted for once, to be this so called reason that everything seemed to happen for.

The above statement used in cases of uncertainty has some certainty to it. And actually, things happens for a plethora of reasons. Fortunately today, I understand that those reasons were to help me, become me.

As I stared into the reflection of the woman in the mirror, it brought me great joy to finally greet her . I couldn't see what was behind me, I could only see what lay ahead. It was a Chronicles of Narnia-like experience. There, right in front of my face, I could see the adventure awaiting ahead. Now, t'was up to the woman in the mirror to decide to turn around and give the past a chance to determine her future decisions or if she wanted to jump in to this unknown and unfamiliar scene, and go for it... She/I, chose the latter ...



(Woman in the mirror)

Everything I've been through has absolutely made me stronger. The friendships I've made, the people I've met this past year alone, have all had such an amazing impact on my life. And to think that if I would've remained in my usual status quo, or didn't leg go of certain relationships and negative people surrounding me, I would've never met any of these phenomenal people.

Last Thanksgiving I could not have foreseen all the new blessings in my life today. Each day a new goal is met or uncovered. My Thankful Thursdays movement, to remind people to count their blessings at least once a week on Thursdays not just on Thanksgiving, has reached over 700 people worldwide, when my intention was to simply reach at least 1 person per week. My personal and love life are slowly coming out the chaos it had become. And things continue to look up.

Therefore be encouraged my friends, because when you feel like you're the only one under a cloud and it's raining lemons .. look up, say thanks for the lemons and then ask life to throw you some sugar or honey.. and it will!

My gratitude for this Thankful Thursday is you, my friends, both old and new. Thank you for being the reason I am so happy today.

Cheers to you my friends!!!!!!!!